All My Heroes Are Dead

As of this morning all my heroes are dead. I’m not sure what to do about this.
I never knew any of these people personally, although I met one once and he asked me to get him a glass of wine. I happily complied.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post except to convey that mental illness in any scope is dangerous. I’m positive that human beings only made up the statement, “I’m sorry” because of mental illness. We are sorry. We can’t fucking help ourselves. Our brains just do shit. Hurtful shit.
I heard a woman on the radio comment on Bourdain’s death, “I feel so sorry for his wife and kids. He clearly wasn’t thinking about them when he took his own life.”
That’s a grand statement to make.

Our brains actually do really great shit too. Sometimes people call us ‘Creatives’. That’s nice. My heroes were creatives. And almost assuredly suffered from some degree of mental illness.

Layne Staley was a drug addict – a very common incarnation of dealing with a mental illness. Also, one of the most soulful singers in any generation. I would cry when I listened to him. He meant it.

Layne

Chris Cornell also a drug addict – Tried for years to clean up, had a beautiful family, was at the top of his game professionally – Had it all. I patterned my entire singing career trying to emote as much passion into a song as Chris did. There is – in my book – no one better. I’m positive Robert Plant would agree.

chris

Here’s my favorite song in the world

Anthony Bourdain – Had a life other people could only daydream about – Constantly self-deprecating himself and I’m sure looked at himself as a fraud. His first book, ‘Kitchen Confidential’ was published when he was 44 years old.
“Few things are more beautiful to me than a bunch of thuggish, heavily tattooed line cooks moving around each other like ballerinas on a busy Saturday night. Seeing two guys who’d just as soon cut each other’s throats in their off hours moving in unison with grace and ease can be as uplifting as any chemical stimulant or organized religion.” – Anthony Bourdain

Charlie Rose – Clearly not dead, but we’ll never hear from him again – Not entirely sure of his mental being, but none-the-less – A hero of mine and I’ll continue to re-watch episodes of The Charlie Rose Show forever. He was a master Interviewer and a gentleman to me when we met. I get that he made a mistake – but we’re as a society, poorer in his absence.
“There’s a great appetite for smart television. Every day I get up and there are interesting stories I want to do.” – Charlie Rose

Louis CK – Sorry – now who’s laughing? I’m fucking pissed that he’s gone from our view – There is no smarter comedian then LCK. Period. He’s a fucking genius and said shit that no one would ever say. Comedy isn’t funny unless it fucks someone up. That’s a fact.
“It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.” -Louis C.K.

Scott Weiland – Depression. Drugs.
“I see love, like art, as an obsession. Maybe that’s an overly romantic view of human existence, but I’m an overly romantic human being. If love, like rock and roll, doesn’t consume me 24-7, it’s not love. It can be respect, appreciation, admiration, wonderment, it can be a world of glory and a lifetime of peace, but I can’t call it love. Love burns me and confuses me. Love’s a light that can’t be extinguished.” – Scott Weiland

These people contributed to my life on a grand scale. My heroes are dead and I’m sad.
I love you.

2 thoughts

  1. It makes me SO angry when people say, “ that was so selfish of them.” What a blanket statement for such a layered tragedy. I am disheartened when people don’t reach out for help… but I know they aren’t mentally strong enough to do so at the time. This hits too close to hime for so many of us. Helplessness and hopelessness are two of the most absolutey terrifying feelings. RIP Chef

    1. Completely agree. When someone has the drive to do this, I’m 100% certain they feel all options have been exhausted. I understand not wanting to burden others with a seemingly hopeless situation. I’m so sad about all of this. And feel like I can empathize too

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