It’s Over…

thats all folks

 

This has been a long overdue journey that I’m about to set out on.

My bags have been packed for awhile. They’re collecting dust and becoming just part of the room, now. Tripping over them whenever I venture out. Like bills that stack up. Payments due. I forget what’s been packed. I should inventory their contents before I pick them up – but I trust that I’ve crammed in enough. I’m confident that they’re heavy. They sit by the door and I forget that they’re waiting for me. The elephant in the room. When I have visitors, they wonder aloud what’s happening with the heavy bags. “Pay them no mind,” I say. “But we can’t get inside unless you move them.” I acknowledge this and change the subject. Kicking them to the side. “Don’t you need to pick them up? You should really pick them up.”

Another day.

I’ll pick them up another day.

They’re too heavy. I don’t have the energy right now.


I promised myself that I’d do this at some point. I even thought I’d do this after my first drink. I loved it. I knew it would take me over. And, it did. It won. But, I’m not one to be lorded over. I hate authority and being told what to do and think. Fuck you.

Somewhere, I realized that booze was doing just what I hated.

Let’s be clear – I’m not physically dependent on alcohol. Thank fucking God. I just love it. Day drinking is my thing. I too, enjoy a good beer buzz early in the morning. But by 2pm I’m a horrible mess. Drunk, tired, haven’t showered, haven’t brushed my teeth, unshaven, laundry undone, cat box overflowing, bills unpaid. I’ll just sleep it off. Another day gone.

Years of this shit.

Angry at myself and you.


 

So, I’m done. I just turned 49 last week. I haven’t had a drink in 10 days.

I’m not doing this for you, my girl, my family, my friends, my show, or my career. This isn’t a stunt. This is for me.

These bags are really heavy…

I love you

4 thoughts on “It’s Over…

  1. This made me tear up, Eric. You shared your feelings so poignantly and beautifully , and I am sure that so many can relate to what you’re sharing. I’d be a coward to say that I haven’t related to this at some point in my life. If you were any closer, I’d drive over and give you a hug and a high five. You rock for sharing this, and I am so supportive in this journey of yours. Happiest of birthdays – you are on the road to many, many more of them. And what are birthdays, if you can’t share your LIFE with others? Big up on putting your LIFE in high priority. You’ve got this! And so does anyone else who reads this. Much love your way!!!!!!!

  2. Well said. I know your struggles as I have walked that path myself. I am now on another path, the same one you are starting on today.

    I have had several relapses and I may have more, but I know that I will beat it. Somedays I miss it a lot, but I feel so much better now. But most importantly, I know if I go back it will win, Fuck that.

    I has taken me several years to get to where I am today 18 months sober. If I can help, or if you just need someone to listen, please give me a call, anytime! My cell is 303-898-6413.

    I have found that listening to Frantic from St. Anger really loud can help in a pinch.

    May Grace & Peace be with you.

    1. Thank you, Wayne. I really appreciate you reaching out. I’m scared and excited at the same time. It’s been quite a year, and this is my natural next step.

      Speaking of Metallica, James entered rehab today.

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